you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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