Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
