Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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