Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Boobs speak an international language.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
