What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
