apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
