so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
