Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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