just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
