He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
