I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
