she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
