as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How drunk are you?
Completed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
