Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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