You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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