I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
