Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
