who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
