her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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