Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?