He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?