I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
