the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem