a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
