Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
