The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
