and she was petting her beer can
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
