You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
