when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
