dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
