What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
