No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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