I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
