just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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