Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
