Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
