before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
