I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
