So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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