I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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