I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
