it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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