My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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