the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
