Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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