How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
