A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
