Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize