Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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