The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
