Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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