i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
