if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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