she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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