Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
