She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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