take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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