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I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Operation Purity has been aborted
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
