kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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