i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
