True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
