i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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