Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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