last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
