Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
