im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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