You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
