If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
