i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's official drugs can't kill me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
