Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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