I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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