Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
