It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
