can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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