Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
