i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
