Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
