Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
