I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
