will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
