That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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