I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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